Earth Traveler

Riding in Cars with Boys – pt6

Posted October 7th, 2010


I used to have a firm rule that if I needed to get up before the sun came up, I would just stay up all night. It just seemed morally wrong to do otherwise. At some point that “rule” changed – not because I got older, but because it never actually worked out well. It’s kind of boring, I would feel like shit the next day (or two) and, frankly, no one was ever really impressed.

Nelson and I headed out to the airport shuttle. He was going to Los Angeles and I was headed somewhere else to meet up with my special lady friend.

There are no direct flights from Fargo to East or West Coast cities (Smart move by you, East and West Coast cities.)

There was only one kid on the plane. Right behind me, of course. I felt sorry the kid’s parents. She kept asking, “Are we flying? Are we flying?” We weren’t even moving. What a retard.

There were a couple black people on the plane – doubling the number of black people I had seen in North Dakota. And they were leaving North Dakota. Very good idea.

After we took off, we almost immediately flew into turbulence. Couldn’t we just fly around that shit? Seems like if they have the technology to know it’s coming, we might as well USE that technology. To me, the most annoying thing about turbulence is that I can’t read or write. Not because it makes me ill, but because it feels wrong to die reading or writing.

The best part of turbulence is watching people GRAB ON for dear life. To their seat. That is attached to the plane. If the plane goes down, the chair is coming with it.

Also, people don’t celebrate enough after turbulence is over. Maybe they’re afraid they’ll just get more turbulence and then how stupid would people think they are if they celebrated and then crashed?

Dear O’Hare Airport. Feel free to invest in some people movers… Sure, I may need it, but who the hell are you to make me exercise?!

For the first time in a week, I finally had a 3G signal on my phone. There was also wifi “available” in the airport. “Available” is short for “available if you are willing to pay a ridiculous fee” – like a prostitute is “available.”

I was watching a deaf person talk to someone – at least, I think it was a deaf person. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between a deaf person and someone who gestures a lot… and both are pretty annoying.

Other than the Asian guy in front of me who was an adult male and behaved like he had never been on a plane ever or even seen a TV show or movie with people on a plane or even heard stories from friends about their experiences on planes, the last flight was pretty uneventful.


It sure was nice to take a break from days and days of driving miles and miles. A place like North Dakota makes you appreciate the comforts of big city living – like your own bed and 3G signals and Starbucks (or Coffee Bean or Peet’s or anything not from an espresso shack).

And I immediately began to savor all of these things so much more after that trip, especially because I knew that in just another couple weeks I would be headed back to North Dakota for more of the same.

But at least on the second trip, I would be much better prepared – mentally, emotionally and caffeine-ally.

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