Earth Traveler

Snarky Train Ride Day Trip

Posted October 24th, 2011

I took a train ride day trip to Santa Barbara with my special lady friend and I was feeling particularly snarky. So, I posted my random thoughts throughout the day on Twitter. And now I am sharing them with you here.

• This group of lesbians are some of the best dressed dudes I’ve ever seen.

• Ok, so whoever it is that keeps farting, I need you to know that THERE ARE OTHER HUMAN BEINGS HERE THAT HAVE NOSES.

• I wonder if there’s a group called Tunnel Jerks for people that masturbate every time they go through a tunnel.

• Seems like this gaggle of Asian girls is doing a comedy sketch where they drive a big white guy crazy with incessant chatter.

• The cafe car on this train just got lesba-bombed!

• Hey Jesus, thanks for the shitty weather in Santa Barbara. And don’t give me any of this marine layer” crap. It’s fog.

• I feel so sophisticated and intellectual here at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art (actually next door at Peet’s Coffee).

• Ok, Jesus, sorry about being a dick earlier. Thanks for the perfect sunny weather.

• I just enjoyed watching a homeless man taunting a store that’s going out of business.

• Smart move by the city of Santa Barbara giving the town a real college vibe by planting all these flowers that smell like vomit.

• I’m very uncomfortable with how very comfortable this father and daughter are sitting WITH HER ON HIS LAP.

• Remember in Pulp Fiction when the French girl says she thinks a female pot belly would be sexy? Lots of girls here doing that.

• If there’s one thing I’d change right now about SB it would be more public restrooms. Or just one really. Near me. Right now.

• Ok, this time I am actually at the Santa Barbara Contemporary Arts Forum (aka the nearest restroom).

• No thanks, homeless lady, if I want some “lemonade” I’ll get some at the market that isn’t in an open plastic cup.

• Fun seeing a shithead girl made fun of for wanting to buy hair accessories by another shithead girl WHO IS WEARING A HAIR ACCESSORY.

• Hey, if any of you guys knows of a bench in SB that isn’t currently occupied by a homeless person, please direct message me.

• The Starbucks here is much more trusting regarding its restrooms. They use a 4 digit code instead of 5.

• There is an inappropriate quantity and variety of capes in this shop.

• Things are deteriorating here. My special lady just texted me a picture of a rooster with a very inappropriate caption.

• At a Mexican restaurant sitting next to the unhappiest group of people in the world – who are also Mexican.

• Well the train going home is running late… of course. This is the price I pay for being bitter about the world around me.

• Also, does anyone have a quarter so I can use the train station restroom because I forgot to bring a quarter to use the restroom?

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