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They Grow up so Fast 2

January 29th, 2012
Posted under Coffeehouse Locals

These teens are getting a head start on being trashy whores.

Snarky Train Ride Day Trip

October 24th, 2011
Posted under Earth Traveler

I took a train ride day trip to Santa Barbara with my special lady friend and I was feeling particularly snarky. So, I posted my random thoughts throughout the day on Twitter. And now I am sharing them with you here.

• This group of lesbians are some of the best dressed dudes I’ve ever seen.

• Ok, so whoever it is that keeps farting, I need you to know that THERE ARE OTHER HUMAN BEINGS HERE THAT HAVE NOSES.

• I wonder if there’s a group called Tunnel Jerks for people that masturbate every time they go through a tunnel.

• Seems like this gaggle of Asian girls is doing a comedy sketch where they drive a big white guy crazy with incessant chatter.

• The cafe car on this train just got lesba-bombed!

• Hey Jesus, thanks for the shitty weather in Santa Barbara. And don’t give me any of this marine layer” crap. It’s fog.

• I feel so sophisticated and intellectual here at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art (actually next door at Peet’s Coffee).

• Ok, Jesus, sorry about being a dick earlier. Thanks for the perfect sunny weather.

• I just enjoyed watching a homeless man taunting a store that’s going out of business.

• Smart move by the city of Santa Barbara giving the town a real college vibe by planting all these flowers that smell like vomit.

• I’m very uncomfortable with how very comfortable this father and daughter are sitting WITH HER ON HIS LAP.

• Remember in Pulp Fiction when the French girl says she thinks a female pot belly would be sexy? Lots of girls here doing that.

• If there’s one thing I’d change right now about SB it would be more public restrooms. Or just one really. Near me. Right now.

• Ok, this time I am actually at the Santa Barbara Contemporary Arts Forum (aka the nearest restroom).

• No thanks, homeless lady, if I want some “lemonade” I’ll get some at the market that isn’t in an open plastic cup.

• Fun seeing a shithead girl made fun of for wanting to buy hair accessories by another shithead girl WHO IS WEARING A HAIR ACCESSORY.

• Hey, if any of you guys knows of a bench in SB that isn’t currently occupied by a homeless person, please direct message me.

• The Starbucks here is much more trusting regarding its restrooms. They use a 4 digit code instead of 5.

• There is an inappropriate quantity and variety of capes in this shop.

• Things are deteriorating here. My special lady just texted me a picture of a rooster with a very inappropriate caption.

• At a Mexican restaurant sitting next to the unhappiest group of people in the world – who are also Mexican.

• Well the train going home is running late… of course. This is the price I pay for being bitter about the world around me.

• Also, does anyone have a quarter so I can use the train station restroom because I forgot to bring a quarter to use the restroom?

This One’s for Steve

October 8th, 2011
Posted under Sexxy Photos

More like OS XXX. If you know what I mean.

Dancing with a Star

October 4th, 2011
Posted under Paparazzi

Yeah, of course, Kristin Cavallari and I totally made out that night.

Ai Carumba

September 27th, 2011
Posted under Coffeehouse Locals

If you look closely at this picture, you'll see that there is absolutely nothing right about it.

Double Your Pleasure

September 8th, 2011
Posted under Sexxy Photos

Just a couple of sexies chilling out ona dry lake bed.

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