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Riding in Cars with Boys – pt5

September 29th, 2010
Posted under Earth Traveler

By this point you’re starting to get an idea of how long this trip actually took. There’s really no way to accurately gauge how long a journey feels when you’re in it – except by clocks and calendars.

DAY SIX

The next morning we decided to skip the free continental breakfast. Don’t get me started again about these continental breakfast atrocities – their bagels had enough preservatives to embalm a adult sized adult moose.

However, there was a legit bagel place in Fargo. I found it on The Google. I insisted that we stop there before we got into shooting so we could avoid the similar near-cannibalistic experience as the day before. Jerry and Nelson agreed, though that probably was because they realized that if we had to eat each other, I could easily overpower either of them.

We also had to stop at Target. There’s a Starbucks there and they also had the bug bite cream I very much needed after being bitten by some of the local, pigeon-sized mosquitoes.

There was something else I needed to get. And Target seemed like it was as good a place as any – with the added benefit of Jerry and Nelson not knowing I was getting this “something else” because they were off getting their own things.

I had arranged to meet my special lady friend out of town after the first week of shooting. And, in order to “maximize” the enjoyment of that trip, I needed to make sure I was fully prepared for any and all activities. (Hint: Condoms)

I’m not sure why I still think that buying those is embarrassing. It’s kind of something a person should brag about. Anyway, I guess I just didn’t want Jerry asking me all kinds of intimate questions like he had been doing for the last week with Nelson about his girl.

Anyway, I thought I was being all clever and stealth when I snuck off to buy my unmentionables. When I got in line to buy my items, I knew Nelson was around somewhere and I kept looking for him like a drug mule at airport security.

As the cashier finished up with the lady in front of me, I spotted Nelson headed right for me. Faster, cashier, faster. Nelson arrived and my secret purchases were still in the open, so I made a slick move to block his view and pointed out some bug spray I thought we should get. As he looked away and grabbed the bug spray, the cashier scanned my items and dropped them in a bag – out of view. Mission accomplished.

Back on the road, we finished off all the bagels during the 200 mile drive to Devil’s Lake, North Dakota. We shot a 20 minute interview and then drove the 200 miles back.

It was around this time that were notified of Nelson’s constipation.

We had dinner at Italian Moon Pizza. But we all ordered salad – maybe out of solidarity for Nelson’s “condition” but probably more so because Jerry and I did not want to suffer the same fate.

I talked Jerry into getting the same room for two nights in a row and using that as a sort of headquarters. So we didn’t have to load up and unload again the next day. We were definitely getting smarter as we moved along.

DAY SEVEN

We had sort of a late wake up. Not for my usual, but for this trip and certainly for almost all other people in the world. Tragically that caused us to miss the continental breakfast. So we added a full day to our life-expectancies.

After doing some nerdy technical film equipment stuff, we went out for bagels and coffee. I have to admit, Fargo was actually starting to grow on me. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to live there. No man should have to go more than a couple blocks to get his coffee.

The girl at Starbucks asked me if I was sure I didn’t want any flavoring in my iced latte. When I said no, she looked at me like I farted on her favorite grandmother’s face.

On the way to our first stop, we got lost. We were on 13th Street South and then all of the sudden it was 13th Street South-West, then 13th Street East – all in the space of about a half mile. When we called ahead to our stop to get directions, we encountered yet another local that had no idea how to give directions.

People in Fargo act a little like they’re better than everyone else and that it’s some sort of badge of honor. This comes from them trying to convince themselves that being there is a good idea. It isn’t.

Then we drove all over the local area making stops in progressively smaller towns. Like Nome, North Dakota, which is just two streets intersecting the highway.

We stopped for lunch in Lisbon (not the one in Portugal). There were two places to eat: Subway and the Pizza Ranch. The Pizza Ranch had Wifi! It also had some sort of smell that was so bad, Nelson was willing to lift his self-imposed Subway embargo.

We accidentally skipped dinner. Oops. Again. I just get wrapped up in “we need to just get this one shot” and ignore thoughts like “my stomach is eating itself.”

We took Jerry to do some laundry since he was going to be sticking around in Fargo after Nelson and I left. The laundry place had a tanning salon in back – which is a bit odd.

Also doing laundry was a black guy – the first black guy I had seen in almost a week.

I know there are some who don’t like when people use the term “black.” I’m not really sure how it turned out that that is an offensive word. I am “white” but I am not actually white. I’m more of a pink-ish color. I don’t get offended at all by being broadly labeled chromatically.

And then there’s this “African-American” thing. I think it’s a little presumptuous for anyone to say that someone is American just because they are in America. Also, what about in other countries? I’ve never heard of an African-Canadian or an African-Frenchy, and I know for a fact that those countries don’t just have white people.

Anyway, Nelson and I were standing near the entrance to the tanning salon area, so I turned to Nelson and said, “looks like she stayed in there too long.” Nelson didn’t get it, until he looked and saw the black girl coming out of the tanning area.

Back at the motel, we had some late-night cheeseburgers and Nelson and I packed to get ready for the flight out of there the next morning.

In Part 6 these questions will be answered:
Will Jed even know how to function when he wakes up before the sun has come up? Will Jed consider wearing adult diapers after the air turbulence on his flight? Where the hell is Jed flying to?

Riding in Cars with Boys – pt4

September 25th, 2010
Posted under Earth Traveler

Okay, so I’m going to see if I can pick up the pace here and see if I can get in two days per entry. I mean, it’s not like anything really interesting is going on. I know that. You think I don’t know that?

DAY FOUR

Anyway, back in Miles City, Montana. Nelson and I thoroughly enjoyed our not sleeping together. Jerry came by with BILL and we all had breakfast at a nearby diner. Something REALLY funny happened there but I forgot to write it down and I have completely forgotten what it was. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Before we hit the road, Jerry got gas (and a giant Pepsi) and I went looking for some caffeine. My Starbucks locator app was FREAKING OUT: “What the hell are you doing in Montana?!?!” There wasn’t a Starbucks for hundreds of miles – not until our last stop of the day in North Dakota.

Being the adventurous person that I am, I decided to try out the espresso shack across the street. What’s the worst that could happen? It turned out that the latte from the espresso shack was THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN.

And that was the very last time I ever bought anything ever from an espresso shack.

Man, there’s lots of open highway in Montana.

We stopped for snacks just before the North Dakota border. Can someone please explain to me what is going on with the price-gouging in the beef jerky industry? Come on, it’s not like horse meat costs a lot of money.

Back on the highway, I was driving while Jerry made phone calls and Nelson watched DVDs on his computer (anti-social much?). And up ahead in the distance I saw what looked like a cow on top of a hill. But this thing was a mile away. It had to be the biggest cow ever – that never moved while standing on a hilltop. Ohhhhhh! It had to be a statue. That explained a lot. Since I was driving, we got off at the next and drove up the hill and we beheld (beholded?) the bovine greatness. We even took some pictures which most of you know I NEVER do. I will try to insert one of the less crude photos here when I post this online.

Getting to second base.


Just outside Bismarck, North Dakota, is a clothing store called The Dress Barn. I’ll let you make your own jokes for that one.

Jerry drove us from motel to motel to motel looking for the cheapest place to stay in Bismarck. I asked if he’d ever used priceline.com. He hadn’t. The next three minutes was a wonderous and delightful educational journey for Jerry as his horizons expanded at light speed.

Then 5 minutes later than that we were booked into the downtown Radisson at a few dollars less than the best-priced rat infested shithole motels.

We ate at a restaurant called Space Aliens. The food was mediocre and the environment was very creepy. We loved it.

Once we were all settled in, I went for a walk in downtown Bismarck. Two different cars yelled at me. I’m pretty sure one car full of guys screamed: “I bet you break a lot of hearts with that ass.” But sometimes you just hear what you want to hear.

Nelson and I had to go back to our burrito-style sleeping arrangements, but in this much nicer hotel, it was almost sort of kind of approaching comfortable.

DAY FIVE

The next day was our first day where we worked almost all day. Since we were actually in North Dakota it was time to roll up our sleeves and documentarize some documentary.

First stop: McDonald’s. I know, right? We were just adding to the degree of difficulty for the day.

Then we had to stop by the bank. Well, Jerry did. Nelson and I had to wait in the car. I decided to call my parents and see how they were doing. Apparently they had a fine time out of town that weekend. Which is nice.

Then we FINALLY got busy shooting. I don’t want to talk too much about the project because, like most documentaries, it’s an ever-evolving entity. But I will tell you that in the end, Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze, Bruce Willis’ character is actually dead and it all may just be a dream.

That was our first day where we weren’t just driving. And we still wound up driving over 250 miles. That happened so many times that I won’t bore you with miles counts every day – mainly because just thinking about it makes me unwell.

I really should’ve gotten my caffeine before we started shooting. But I sort of had this brilliant plan: I was going to have Jerry and Nelson drop me off to get coffee for everyone while they went off to get bagels for the travel ahead in case we couldn’t find a place to eat in the more rural parts of North Dakota. And then I was going to call my special lady friend and spend some time sweet-talking her.

It turned out that bagels are not really a thing in Bismarck. So my sweet-talking was cut short and we hit the road without bagels – which would later turn into one of the great mistakes of my life. Those of you that know my ex-girlfriends know how powerful a statement this is.

We headed east toward Fargo where we were scheduled to shoot some more interviews. Jerry asked, “Should we get something to eat before or after the first shoot?” Being the single-mined director, I dismissed this idea as frivolous. “We should do the first interview, then eat.”

It turned out that as we headed south out of Fargo, we were leaving all civilization behind us. After the interview, there was nothing around to eat. At. All. Not even a gas station or a strip club with a buffet. Those bagels sure would have come in handy. Stupid Bismarck bagel shortage.

So we headed further south toward Wahpeton, North Dakota, hoping there would be food near our next stop. Silly Californians. We wound up spending a week in Wahpeton that day.

The terrible directions we were given to our next stop were not only incomplete, but also defied logic and, in some cases, physics. I don’t want to sound sexist here (which means I am TOTALLY going to sound sexist) but the directions were obviously given to us by a woman. Getting directions from a woman is like getting financial advice from homeless person… who is drunk… and has recently sustained a head trauma.

Fortunately, Nelson and I had our iPhones. Unfortunately, AT&T hasn’t quite gotten around to giving a shit about North Dakota.

After falling way behind schedule, we had to cancel the last shoot. We hadn’t eaten in over 8 hours and we were starving. When we finally got to the main street in Wahpeton, we decided to eat at Taco Johns. It turns out the “John” to which they are referring is the toilet.

We thought about heading back to Fargo, but it was rainy and late and we decided to crash at the nearest motel.

That night, Jerry and I decided on some new rules about scheduling the day and eating and having something (ANYTHING) to eat in the car at all times.

In Part 5 these questions will be answered:
Do they really spend two hours looking for Starbucks and bagels? (Spoiler alert: YES THEY DO!) What is the deal with the mosquitoes in North Dakota and why do they all want to bite Jed? How serious are Nelson’s digestive problems?

Riding in Cars with Boys – pt3

September 20th, 2010
Posted under Earth Traveler

DAY THREE

The next morning was the first morning of what would become the daily routine for the three of us: Jerry wakes up first, does some stuff on his computer then wanders around the local area wishing Nelson and I would wake up. Then I wake up at a somewhat predetermined time, take a shower and then when I’m out we wake up Nelson and load up to hit the road.

By this time Nelson and I had gotten unusually comfortable with our sleeping situation. “Comfortable” probably isn’t the right word. I guess it would be better to say we had resigned ourselves to our fate.

To start the day, the weather was cold and overcast and gloomy, but because I wasn’t driving it soon changed to sunny and clear and delightful.

We stopped for bagels at a nearby shop. Oh, and Jerry got one of his super gigantic Pepsi SuperGulps. This guy LOVES his Pepsi. Every now and then he’d have a water but there was always a 3 gallon cup of Pepsi close to hand. What a weirdo! Who would be so obsessed about a beverage like that?

So next we HAD to find me some coffee. No, not a hot coffee, not an iced coffee, not a blended coffee. I needed a large iced latte.

My Starbucks app on my iPhone informed me that there were a couple stores a few miles north in the city of Idaho falls.

Okay, so now I’m going to tell you about something that absolutely blew my mind and which I still think is awesome, but every person I have told this to has been entirely underwhelmed and even a bit annoyed. Here goes: the city of Idaho Falls has ACTUAL WATERFALLS IN THE CITY!

I’m hoping the all caps helps express how incredible this is or was or whatever. Yeah, I know that “falls” is in the city name. I get it. You don’t have to be snarky. But when was the last time you were driving through a city, casually looking for a Starbucks and you saw ACTUAL WATERFALLS IN THE CITY?

Jerry continued to drive the first shift and he regaled us with stories of extreme snow conditions on this route on previous trips. Also he did a really good job of demonstrating just how dangerous it can be for someone to drive and text at the same time. After our third near-death experience I implored him to have Nelson send his texts for him.

Sorry, Nelson. It turned out they were all very lewd. Shame on you, Jerry.

We stopped for gas and a leg stretch at a lodge/restaurant/store/gas station. Nelson and I both needed to use the restroom. As I turned left down the hall toward the men’s room, there was a down syndrome kid there. He seemed like he was looking to make eye contact with me and then we could be friends for life.

Sorry, Corky. Not today. I juked to the left and hurried down the hall – leaving corky eye to eye with Nelson. As I was washing up I could still hear Nelson and his new buddy chatting it up in the hallway. And I’ll tell you, I didn’t feel bad one tiny bit. These are the lessons you need to learn in life. And that was Nelson’s day to learn… La La La La Life Goes On.

I took over the driving duties after we stopped for gas in Montana. So that means that the weather immediately turned nasty. Storm clouds, pouring rain. Come on!

Then it was suddenly clear and sunny. Then heavy rain. Then sunny. Okay, Montana, I get it. You’re an asshole.

I decided that we should stop on Billings, Montana, so I could load up on sexy caffeine. My Starbucks store locator app locked in on the location and even though we got pretty turned around in “downtown” Billings, we found it. And there was much rejoicing.

We lost another 10 minutes while Nelson and Jerry had me follow a pedestrian around while they played a game of “Is she a she or is he a he?”

Anyway, she was a she.

People in Montana actually drive according to the posted speed limits. So weird. It’s like you’re always in a funeral procession – a funeral for the death of happiness.

Nelson took over driving and, of course, the weather was delightful. I don’t want to say Nelson is a bad driver. But I will say that he drove exactly one more time on a trip that covered approximately 3000 miles.

Our last stop for the day was Miles City, Montana. Jerry has a brother-in-law that lives there, so we drove a little extra that day to make it all the way there. Visiting people you know is almost always a terrible idea. Especially on a road trip. Especially for me.

I don’t remember his name so I’ll call him BILL (my clever acronym for Brother In Law Law). BILL took us to the Trails Inn for what he assured us was the “best pizza outside the state of New York.” It wasn’t.

Nelson and I played some pool alongside some of Montana’s hefty womenfolk as we all endured one classic rock song after another.

BILL was an interesting guy. He used to be in the military and in law enforcement. He had lots of cool stories about dealing with the riffraff of society.

Note to the management: please fix the latch on the men’s bathroom stall. Very hard to “concentrate.”

As we were heading out, Nelson got hit on by the one gay guy in Montana. I don’t want to sound jealous or anything, but I was a little disappointed. I consider myself a decent looking fella, but I’ve never been hit on by a gay guy – unless you count that time that one guy serenaded me at karaoke.

BILL offered to let us all crash at his place, but fortunately I have dog allergies, so Jerry stayed there while Nelson and I stayed at a nearby motel. In separate beds!

But our room smelled like stale socks and the wifi wasn’t working. Of course. When I contacted the front desk girl she assured me that the wifi was working and then suggested the problem was with my computer. And Nelson’s computer. And both of our iPhones. Thanks for the help, front desk girl. Good luck with your thesis on computer sciences.

While I was in the room waiting to hear back from my special lady friend, I decided to shave. Next thing I knew, I had a mustache. Not just any mustache. This was a Megan’s Law special. I felt like I should notify all of my neighbors of my presence in the community.

But it was sure nice to not be rubbing butts with Nelson that night.

In Part 4 these questions will be answered:
How creeped out are Jerry and Nelson by Jed’s mustache? Where will Jed get his caffeine fix? Will Jerry’s brain explode when Jed explains the awesomeness of priceline.com?

Riding in Cars with Boys – pt2

September 10th, 2010
Posted under Earth Traveler

DAY TWO

I woke up early the next morning. Maybe 6:00 AM. Wait, no it was around 7:00 AM. Stupid time zone change. I don’t know why I woke up so early. Sometimes when you’re working on a project, you just get so excited that you just can’t sleep because you can’t wait to get started. And sometimes you rub up against your male bed co-occupant one too many times. There’s at least four layers of fabric between you but its just never enough.

The motel provided a free continental breakfast. This is pretty standard these days. The Rodeway Inn’s interpretation consisted of un-fresh bagels, juice and coffee. I know that for the amount of money we spent I should be thankful that there’s anything for free. But should I really? Maybe I would be better off getting something somewhere else that costs me money. I’m pretty sure the guys who keep saying that breakfast is the most important meal of the day are not referring to stale bagels, from-concentrate juice and instant coffee.

As I savored the deliciousness of the breakfast cornucopia, I sauntered over to the front desk. That guy also had no idea why there were so many motels in that city. It seemed like this Middle Eastern gentleman wasn’t lying and that he was actually pretty new to this country. So I dropped the matter and let him return to his sleeper cell. (Note to any FBI agents reading this: I’m pretty sure there’s a terrorist sleeper cell operating out of the Rodeway Inn in St. George, Utah, that also has no idea what a continental breakfast is.

With still about another half hour before we were supposed to leave. (I know: all this jibber jabber and we hadn’t even hit the road yet. Sorry.) Anyway, I figured I’d call my special lady friend. She was stunned that I was awake that early. I am actually still a little stunned.

We loaded up on caffeine and with that magical elixir scorching through our bloodstreams, we hit the road. But only for a few miles. Part of the project required us to be able to film through the front windshield for some stupid “arty” shots that I came up with. But the windshield was filthy. My clothing bag was the closest to the top so we took out one of my shorts and cleaned the window with it. I love my shorts. I am still kind of very upset about this.

At our first gas stop, Nelson and I were inside and I was teaching him about the thirst-quenching joys of Vitamin Water Revive flavor. No, not any of the other flavors. Just Revive. As you will find out later, I was not precisely clearly accurate about specifying the specificity of this particular flavor.

Anyway, when we walked outside, a fat-girls convention had arrived. After a couple “Moo” jokes we were back on the road.

Not much happened between that stop and our lunch. Which happens on road trips. A lot.

But WHERE should we stop for lunch? Why, there’s an Arby’s at the next exit. Nelson and Jerry had never had Arby’s, so they were both reluctant. Most people are pretty set in their ways, even Nelson, a mid-twenties cinematographer who just spent a month in Haiti. But I played it perfect and they were willing to give it a try.

And they will never be the same. That day Arby’s became our Go-To lunch stop. See, one person truly can make a difference.

Before we got back on the road, I sent my special lady friend a text: “Just leaving the Fillmore-Beaver area in Utah. Thinking of you.”

I took over the driving duties. I’m going to tell you guys something right here that you have to PROMISE not to tell Jerry and Nelson. It turns out that waking up super early in the morning had rendered me sorta tired and so I sorta almost fell asleep a couple times. But you CAN NOT tell them. You promised!

As we got closer to Salt Lake City, Utah, the sky opened up and we were smited with rain, hail and gusty wind. I’m pretty sure it was a NOREASTER, though I don’t really have any idea what that means. And I refuse to find out.

Side note here: for some reason, on this trip, the only times there was bad weather was when I was driving. Sure Jerry and Nelson sometimes had to contend with an occasional ominous cloud, but it was basically just sunshine and unicorns for them. Jerks.

We pressed on and busted on through into Idaho. We came across the quaint town of Malad. Their town motto is: “Malad – Where Idaho begins.” I’m totally serious. Some other choices for the town motto were: “Malad – A town” and “Malad – We are here, for now.”

Anyway, we ended up in some city in Idaho. I have said it’s name a dozen times and I even wrote it down a couple times, but I just can’t remember it. Hold on, it’s on one of my notes around here somewhere.

Pocatello, Idaho. Of course I could just say we stopped in Hambo Jambo or Dog River or Sassafras and none of you would know if I was lying.

We checked into a cheap, but pleasant-enough motel with a fantastic wifi signal (for me, Nelson didn’t have the same luck). For dinner we went out and picked up a large pizza from Big Foot Pizza.

As we made our way around the city, I couldn’t help but notice that I was THE best looking guy in town. This was easily my favorite part of Idaho.

When we got back to the motel we gorged ourselves on our bounty. The combination of extremely low expectations, crippling hunger and a very low price magnified the actual tastiness to historic levels.

The sun didn’t go down until about 9:00pm. Which was just so weird. At the time. We later ended up in a town in North Dakota that had sunlight until 10:00pm. Someone needs to put an end to that level of ridiculosity.

And, of course, there was more burrito style sleeping.

In Part 3, these questions will be answered:
Does Jed enter a beauty contest before they leave Idaho? Just how addicted to caffeine is Jed? Does visiting someone you know while on a road trip do more harm than good?

Riding in Cars with Boys – pt 1

September 5th, 2010
Posted under Earth Traveler

“Life is a highway.”

Thus spoke the great philosopher Tom Cochrane. As you may know, he then went on to say that he wanted to ride it all night long.

However, unlike Mr. Cochrane, I don’t really want to ride it all night long. Mainly because I have bad night vision. And it just seems more practical to drive during the day.

Now I’m confused. What the hell was I talking about? Oh, right. Highways.

I hit the road from California to North Dakota to work on a documentary with my inaccurately named associates Jerry and Nelson. And I figured I’d tell you about what went down, because I’m back in LA and I really don’t have anything else to do. Except lots of laundry – ugh.

Before you get started, you might want to WATCH THIS just to make sure you got my earlier joke and to set the mood.

DAY ONE

We started off about an hour and a half later than we had wanted – which I think has happened with every road trip ever in the history of road trips. Being able to leave whenever you want is part of the benefits of the road trip.

One of the most difficult things about a road trip is actually getting out of the city. And this trip would not be an exception. We stopped in Pasadena for some last-minute supplies and equipment and Peets Coffee.

While Nelson and Jerry got some technical gear set up, I went inside for the caffeinated refreshments. I ordered my usual venti Iced Latte. “Do you mean ‘large’?” Of course I mean “large.” Time to start worrying less about other people’s flaws and take a look in the mirror, Mr. Guy-Who-Works-at-a-Coffee-House.

Nelson had requested “any sort of ice blended coffee.” So I told the guy taking my order that I wanted to get some sort of blended drink that GIRL would really like. “Chocolate?” Yes. “Whip cream?” Yes. Oh, SHE is going to love this… And HE did.

One thing that most people don’t know about me is that I have a secret fetish for Arby’s roast beef sandwiches. They’re quite possibly my favorite fast food. I’ve loved them ever since I can remember. When I was younger they had these commercials where they said Arby’s stood for “America’s Roast Beef, Yes Sir.

It wasn’t until much later that I realized that Arby’s actually just stands for R(oast) B(eef). Once I figured that one out, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out if Wendy’s and Carl’s Jr. meant something clever. They don’t.

Anyway, I kind of know where all the Arby’s are near me. I also know that there’s an Arby’s in Baker, California – a remote city near the Nevada border. So I casually suggested a food and leg-stretching stop there. Jerry, who was driving, agreed and soon I would be consuming my delicious Arby’s sandwich.

But Jerry drove right past the Baker exit. I’m not sure what happened there. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it because I didn’t want to let on that IT WAS A BIG DEAL.

Well, if we were near the Nevada border, then that means we were near Nevada and if we were near Nevada, then we were near Vegas, Baby, Vegas! And we HAD TO stop there. It’s a moral imperative.

We wound up getting gas and, of course, I really wanted to go to Arby’s. But then Nelson uttered a phrase I have never in my life heard from another human person: “I’ve never had a Big Mac.”

So, we had to go to McDonald’s and shove some of that delicious good/badness down his throat. I guess, I actually shouldn’t be telling you because “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” But I’m pretty sure that phrase is really only supposed to apply to activities involving hookers, strippers, gambling, alcohol and drugs. So, I’ll leave those parts out of the story here.

We got on the road just in time for RUSH HOUR. Yes, Vegas Rush Hour. Where were these people going? Where were they coming from? I thought people lived out in the middle of nowhere because there isn’t any traffic.

A friend texted me and recommended a great place outside Vegas for Yard
Lizards (n. slang. A truck stop prostitute.) But we were behind schedule and had to drive on through to Utah.

We ended up in St. George, Utah. There are a LOT of motels there. I’m not sure why. It seemed like the only thing to see in that town was other motels.

We chose the Motel 6 (and by “we” I mean Jerry). But there were some idiots in line in front of us making me wish I had brought some sort of firearm. And while we waited I noticed that the Rodeway was $3 cheaper for the night. Screw you, Motel 6 – and idiots.

We set up all our gear first thing. Bunch of computer nerd stuff, so I won’t bore you. Blah blah blah laptops, hard drives, firewire. Blah blah blah.

We were an hour ahead with the time zone change and it was getting late and we were very much in need of food.

So let me tell you about Roberto’s Taco Shop. This is quite possibly the best Mexican food I’ve ever had in my life. And the portions were cheap and huge (or should I say: ¡GRANDE!) Maybe this place is why there are so many motels in St. George.

Back to the motel and it’s time to get some sleep. I’m feeling a bit dehydrated but the water in the room is milky gross. So, no thanks.

Oh, also, I had to share a bed with Nelson, so burrito style bedding all the way. I hoped, for his sake, that I didn’t accidentally mistake him for my special lady friend… “Accidentally.”

In Part 2, these questions will be answered:
What happened next on the road trip? Where did they go from there? Did Nelson and Jed make inappropriate contact in the night? What is all this nonsense about Jed having a girlfriend?

Ms. Fortune Teller

September 1st, 2010
Posted under Coffeehouse Locals

She used to doubt that she had The Gift. Years ago she SENSED she'd be doing tarot readings at Starbucks. But she didn't believe that her life would ever be that worthless.

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